Note: July 21.

As I lie here in my bed typing whatever comes to mind, it’s the wee hours of the morning and I have a shift later in normal people hours and I want to sleep but I can’t. “It’s the damn coffees I had”. Funny, that the coffee kicks in after your shift ends and it’s a never ending cycle and I wake up late, speed walking like a mas woman aiming to get to the station within 7 minutes (when for a normal person it takes 10 to 15 minutes) and 85% of the time hop on the train before it’s scheduled departure. The truth as to why I am a fast walker is because I’m constantly always in a rush because I’m naturally a last minute person. My punctuality flew out of the window after highschool.

It’s seven months in and I am still at the job that I don’t even really like but who likes their job? It makes ends meet and I really should not complain. The reason why I am still at the job is because my workmates keep me sane. The nature of the job sucks that it’s blackened my soul, I now lack the words to sound more “empathetic”. Empathy is one of my most hated words.

It’s winter, whilst I like the cold weather because I like to rug up, the negative side to it is my mood is altered and I probably have seasonal affective disorder.

I need to read books but lack the motivation to stare at words and become invested in a story.

My plans for living frugally went out the door, but I need to review my yearly plans. SAVE SAVE SAVE. For my dental and also I do plan a trip to the US of A next year. I initially wanted to go with a friend but seeing that we’re not going eye to eye with some plans, I think I might go it alone or find someone to go with me.

Just ran out of words to include.

Until next time…

My reflections on the past few days

These past couple of days have been intense.

Last Friday, a horrible thing happened in my beloved city of Melbourne, I posted briefly about it a few days ago and now I feel ready to give my full thoughts on this.

A sick man, who was suffering a drug-induced psychosis decided to recklessly endanger the people of Melbourne because he was angry that he was being followed by the police.

In the earlier hours of Friday morning, it started when he was refused entry into a bar in St Kilda, he also stole his neighbours car after beating him up, he stabbed his younger brother and threatened the life of his mother and his pregnant girlfriend. He took his pregnant girlfriend hostage, who was trapped in the car for almost four hours until police surrounded them, she quickly ran for her life at the Bolte Bridge, then the city thing happened.  You can read the timeline The Age published.

Things like this never occur in my city. It sent shockwaves, people paused as news travelled throughout the State of Victoria and I guess, the nation. It was bizarre because  it occured in broad daylight,  in front of thousands of people during the lunch peak and in the heart of the city. He did burnouts  stopped people in their tracks and attention, it was him against the world. Ranting and raving. Scaring the beejezus out of everyone and then he went on his rampage.

I had loved ones working in the city that day and two of them both work near or on Bourke St. My niece and nephew could have lost a mother had my sister decided/gone to eat out that day, she did not. My brother-in-law could have lost his mother, but fortunately she was not on break. Those two children, the 10 year old girl and that infant boy could have easily been my niece and nephew.

A vigil was held  earlier in the evening at 5:30 at Federation Square. I just made it in time to listen to the speeches until its end. It was a hot sweltering day and I withstood the heat because I wanted to pay my respects for the injured and the dead. Just because I wasn’t there on the day, it happened so close to home, I felt the need to visit the sites.

After the vigil, I quickly made my way to GPO, to pay my respects there and was instantly moved by the silent, sombre crowd. I too, had decided to buy flowers and placed a origami crane amongst the flowers. This was the first time I’ve done this because it was necessary. With everything else going on in the world, from the passionate Women’s March against Trump happening all over the globe on the weekend, the depressing realisation that Trump is officially the President of the United States . I finally felt the need to do something.  I am sad, worried and weary for the world and I am deeply sad for what has happened in Melbourne.

Henry Dow, a Law student, who was on scene when it happened instinctively aided the injured with the help of taxi driver, Lou.

Their was no evil on Bourke street yesterday; one sick young man did a terrible thing, and hundreds responded with the love and sense of community that makes Melbourne such a beautiful city, and Victoria such a great State.

And that is true, we expressed our dismay, anger and disappointment but our thoughts were with the victims and they needed our love and support (Please read this moving Facebook Status of his)

As our Lord Mayor Robert Doyle said:

Melbourne is our home. When it happens to one of us, it happens to all of us

It hurt us profoundly.

Please let it be known that this man who committed these acts was in a drug-induced psychosis. This was not a planned terror attack in the name of religion and don’t use this as an excuse to attack a certain religion. This was a spur of the moment reckless decision of a person who  was high on crystal meth, trying to escape from VICPOL. Please don’t think I am dismissing his actions, I am not. What he did was horrible and he IS clearly a danger to society. When the time comes and he feels genuine remorse and realises the errors of his ways, that is a great burden and punishment already, he has alienated himself from friends and family, he will be forever known as the guy that killed 5 people, 2 of which were children and injured over 25 people. If he does not feel remorse, he deserves to be incarcerated until he dies, my sympathy is limited there.

I hope that the State of Victoria review and amend the laws regarding crime and punishment and fund mental health services because this could have easily been prevented.

My thoughts and prayers go to the deceased and injured victims and their families.

Rest in Peace:

Baby Zachary

Thalia Hakin

Matthew Si

Jess Mudie

Unnamed Japanese Man


Until next time.



My thoughts and prayers go to my fellow Melburnians.

The news broke out when I was at work, a colleague of mine had just informed my team mates about what had happened. We were on break and everyone in the call centre paused and watched the news.

I am shocked, angry, just emotional about what has happened in my beloved city.

I would like to reflect on this more but not now.

All I can say is that I am saddened by the events today, I pray for the victims, dead and injured.

IT’S 2017. Goodbye 2016.

To 2016,

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodnight!

Piss off, we don’t miss you.

Yours sincerely,


BRING ON 2017!

In ten years time, when 2016 is mentioned the words’Aleppo, Mosul, Donald Trump is PEOTUS, so many dead celebrities and my shitty year’ will come to my mind. 2016 was a negative year in every aspect. I’ve asked many friends and just random customers, and they’ve all been saying ‘I have had a lousy year’, it’s just not me, it’s everyone.

This post was suppose to be the typical NYE post and I originally decided to  dedicate an hour to type up a review but last minute plans popped up, I ended up hanging out with some friends and well. I only have less than 4 minutes to type things up and now I’ve realised it is officially January 1.

So, so many celebrity deaths that happened last year, I had originally wanted to dedicate paragraphs to them but I cannot be bothered now, so I’ll keep it brief. All I wanted to say now that the likes of Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, George Michael, Carrie Fischer, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen and Prince etc are gone, artists who influenced the current generation of artists. I cannot begin to describe how significant many of them are in my life. For the sake of not writing a 10 page essay, I’ll use George Michael as an example. I have fond memories of singing his songs when I was a kid in the 90’s and as a teen in the 00′ when there was an 80’s music revival just 12 years ago, his music prompts good memories, even if most of his songs are lyrically sad, they were strangely upbeat that most of the time when I’m bored, I hum his songs, in fact I have ‘Careless Whisper’ stuck in my head now.

As for politics, conflict and war, ever developing for the worst and 2016 will be in the history books as being a red dot in the timeline, the rise of the far right movement got some attention and probably will be getting more attention this year. What we need to do in 2017 is keep tabs and prevent the 1940s with a modern twist from happening. Freedom of Press was questioned and stated facts have been dismissed as “opinions” from certain disbelievers (oh lawd, listening to the climate change deniers hurt my brain the most).

I feel like this year, many people are going to take A LOT OF RISKS (Year of the Rooster people! it’s going to be clucky!) in this time of uncertainty, for better, worse or both.

I’m going to piss off and type up more later when the sun is up.

Happy New Year jungs!

I’ll keep it brief: What happened yesterday

Bloggers note: I meant for this post to be more lengthy but it’s currently 33 degrees in Melbourne, I have no air con and the laptop is radiating a lot of heat in my room.

  • Friday morning, Australia was informed by VIC POL that they had foiled a terrorist plot that was planned for Christmas Day at certain Melbourne Landmarks (Flinders Street Station, Federation Square and St. Paul’s Cathedral). In a joint taskforce, VIC POL, AFP and ASIO carried raids throughout North-West Suburbs of Melbourne, late Thursday night all through to early hours of Friday. Seven have been arrested,  with five expected to be charged with preparing a terror act.
  • The Berlin Christmas Market attack suspect was spotted in Milan, Italy apprehended and shot on scene. One of the officers was shot in the shoulder..
  • A Libyan plane was hijacked, carrying 111 passengers , the plane diverted to Malta. Hostages departed the plane safely after 4 hours of standoff, hijacker were arrested.
  • Donald Trump tweets about subject such as UN, Israel and the need for the US to increase nuclear arms arsenal and concerns the world… again

What a  shitty week eh?

Kudos to the authorities being on top of their game and foiling such a big plot planned against Melbourne like that.  Especially, where the three landmarks are so close in proximity, tourist hub area (they’re literally just opposite or adjacent to each other) and Flinders Street Station is the busiest station on the City Loop.  It would have been chaos. I could have lost any relatives or friends who celebrate Christmas in the CBD, it’s so close to home.

Other than that, had it flew under intelligence radar, the terrorist attack had  come to fruition, aside from Melburnians being sad at the casualties and destruction of landmarks, it wouldn’t be good for public transport commuters, they’d be fucking angry, and I say that because most railway lines in Melbourne are under construction to remove boomgates, constructing skyrail or making the tracks underground. No one here in Melbourne likes buses and causing delay on the railway network, it pisses us off (even when we agree to the Railway Project). So, thank you Operation Kastelholm for preventing this planned attack because it saved lives and prevented added public transport delays.

I’ve only commented about Melbourne because it’s my home.

I  feel like I should be on a week long social media freeze because the news reports clutter my feed and whenever I read or listen to a news report it feels like the world is going to end real soon.

Yeah, I’m keeping it brief.

Until next time.

Happy Birthday

While this blog actually lacks a large degree of content it has survived the delete button. It became 1 years old as of yesterday.

I’ve often created a lot of blogs in the past only having to delete them due to it being ‘stupid’ but somehow this blog has survived because I’ve somehow become attached to it.

Anyway, I have decided that I am going to not delete it and hope to see by the end of 2017 that I’ve pushed myself to reflect and write about things.

Until next time.

Being taken for granted

For the past 5 years I’ve been on and off jobs and have struggled to keep them. I have done my best to try make myself employable after job application after job application yadah yadah yadah…and I finally got a foot in the door last month (even if it wasn’t much of a joyous month for many people).

Yes, this is a whinging post and while I have broken my rules in regards to these types of posts, I’ll have to make an exception because this does matter to me dearly.

Anyway, me being not completely “freely available”has completely ruined my sisters plans for the entirety of next year.  She still expects me to look after her kid because my job is more flexible than hers. Fair enough to the degree that I probably do have more of a flexible job in regards to hours (but I gotta wake 5am for this job if I do morning shifts) . I am a self confessed workaholic, when I get the job I abandon family and social commitments, I agree to shifts, always. I’m just that type of person. My sister knows that, that’s why she expects me to say ‘yes’ to her every beck and call, the situation has changed but she’s only thinking of herself and she expects me to drop everything to cater her needs.

I say yes, when I really should be saying ‘f…k off’ ( not in those words)… I said yes because I was unemployed for long periods of time and well,the insistence and the pressure to enforce her will over me is astounding sometimes, I have asserted to her that ” I can’t make any promises and I will try help her when I can and if I can, I do have a life and other things to do you know.”

I am grateful that she has helped me this past year, but there is a time where I need to start thinking about my uncertain future, and that she needs to find other ways to find other people to help her and I appreciate that she has relied on me and thought me responsible enough to pretty much raise her kids part time.

But 2017 is’me’ year and I need to take lead of my life, by my terms and conditions. It will be— it must be the year I assert myself and become a better version of me.


Until next time.